The Cowardly Gymrat

I haven't been doing well with the regular posting the past few weeks. You all probably think I spend my days playing Ocarina of Time and eating licorice allsorts while watching Youtube videos, and then sleeping blissfully for 15 hours per night.

That couldn't be further from the truth... Well, everything but the Ocarina of Time part, I have been doing some of that. [I can't even install Flash on my work computers! :C] And as for sleep... I has not had an easy time of it. I seem to be going through a period of insomnia, and I thought I was going to collapse into a schizoid pile of sleep-deprived flesh last night after my neighbor's dog decided to spend its evening alone barking nonstop. I wrote a couple of mean, passive-aggressive notes that I don't regret at all.

In the past week or so, I have:

• Significantly reduced my chances of becoming a model.
• Heard the North Carolina Symphony perform arrangements of the theme songs to Mario, Oblivion, Link and Castlevania.
• Been rained on until thoroughly soaked while wearing crocheted silk. ::sigh::
• Visited Poole's Diner! Nom.
• Jogged about 25 miles. It would have been more if NC had been less like a kiln this past weekend.
• Agreed to live with S.
• Signed a new lease with S - we'll move at the end of August. (YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!)
• Learned that S is motivated to aggressively pursue graduate school. Juilliard? Eastman? Boston Conservatory of Music? Manhattan School of Music? Northwestern? More moving to come? More job-hunting?
• Tried my best to combat ongoing work insanity.
• NOT practiced piano nearly enough. I somehow got roped into playing Clair de Lune again, in addition to two Tcherepnin Bagatelles (which are awesomeness) and Chopin's Waltz in Ab Major.

S and I have been discussing S's grad school aspirations. It would probably do me some good to move out of the area for a little while, since I've been here for most of my life. But I'd be leaving behind all of the neat things I've discovered. I'd leave my family, his family, L (my piano teacher), S and I's new place, my special private gym, my steady career and new position. Not only that, but I'd be admittedly jealous. A double master's in Opera Performance and Choral Conducting? How happy would I be nine-to-fiving while he's off gallivanting in academia, my favoritest place? Not very.

I'm selfish and horrible. Not that these concerns are enough to dissuade me, but they are still thoughts rising to the surface of my school-inclined, gymrat-ish, piano-obsessed brain.

It's hard to uproot, and he knows it. I told him that the process would've been much easier without me, but he disagreed. He said, "Perhaps knowing that I have you gives me the courage to make such a leap. Even if it would have been easier without you, so what? I didn't have you, and I didn't want to go. Now I have you and I want to, but I want you to come with me."

It's not a little thing to ask for.

It also doesn't help that his academic path, although it lacks the immediate financial benefits that mine has, is my wildest dream. I am a horrible, horrible person, and a coward.

In less cowardly news, the place that we chose for our new home is absolutely beautiful. We visited several apartment complexes in the area that we'd like to live in, toured different floor plans and discussed fees all of Saturday, and eventually signed a lease. We decided that we'd rather spend more for an upscale place than save money and live a little bit more frugally. I am ready to be spoiled after living barebones for so many years.

It has a professional-grade fitness center and a resort-style pool. The apartment itself is a 2-bedroom, 2-full-bath, each with a pool-like Roman bathtub. If it's not carpet, it's ceramic tile. All appliances are stainless steel, cabinetry is cherry, countertops are black formica, and all fixtures are brushed nickel. The neighborhood itself is only a year old! It's pristine, but I worry about the... Bleakness of it. It's very stark compared to my current home, with its towering oaks, green lawns, rose gardens and complete lack of washer/dryer hookups (a source of endless annoyance). And mine is a preferred employer, so we got to waive or halve a lot of the up-front fees.

The kitties are not familiar with carpet, and I'm not sure what exactly they'll do with it... It will be nice to fall asleep of an evening without trying to ignore the pounding of their gamboling and romping.