Insomnia

I feel like I'm neglecting everybody. :(

Weeks go by and I'm so caught up in everything, and I forget sometimes that time is also passing for everybody else. Weddingish emails that I thought had come in a couple days past actually arrived in my inbox fortnights ago. FortnightSSS.

I worry about it, but I know that the people who matter understand what happens when I disappear for a couple weeks, and don't think much about it. Yep, introvert, I am.

It's 2:07 AM, and I can't sleep - which happens 6 out of 7 nights weekly, so I figured I'd take advantage of this unlooked-for work-free, chore-free, busy-free solitude to write a slightly melancholy post. I'm wide-awake, perched on a chilly dining room chair in my study carrel in the dark while Kiska sneezes on the bed in her nest at S's feet (she has a cold). S sleeps like the dead.

In the past few weeks, I've managed to be too busy to spend much time at all wandering aimlessly on the internet; every foray has had a specific, quickly-accomplished purpose. Well, I just did some aimless wandering and signed in to Facebook - and was dismayed. Didn't I read this before yesterday, last week, last year? We are all of us so predictable. The statuses of my "friends" were so dead-on exactly what I expected. Even people I've tagged as occasionally remarkable were just as remarkable as usual. The obvious were obvious, the running commentators informed me about the details of their boring Tuesdays. My expectations were so thoroughly not violated. I want to be violated.

It might be time for me to leave social networking behind. Sure, it's nice to read about the daily goings-on in my family, it's convenient to maintain ties to faraway friends... Those are good reasons not to abandon it altogether, but I feel like doing so would bring quietude, ignorance. Ties that should have dissolved or faded away would do so, like unused trails in the wilderness - is that as it should be? Should I allow those trails to be paved, even if the routes and destinations serve no purpose to me - apart from generating judgment?