Warning, Rant Ahead

A fish that is desperate to soar above the trees will find, in his rebellion against his Creator, that he is miserable and hopelessly unable to reach his dream. He will also find that he is unable to see the inestimable beauty and mysterious wonders found in the depths of the ocean.

This absurd analogy was used to describe the phenomenon of women leaving their "biblically proscribed roles" and "attempting" to fulfill the "roles of men" on a anti-feminism website created and moderated by women.

Biologically, the fish lacks the proper appendages and construction to fly, and the aptitude to devise another method to accomplish his desire. There are biological differences between males and females, but these differences don't cause one sex to inherently lack abilities that the other can employ. Perhaps the above analogy would be more apt if I lacked the proper biological construction to be a leader and a professional, and if my husband lacked the ability to care for and nurture a child.

I realize my dreams - and, in fact, they aren't dreams, since I am inherently capable of accessing any realm of my CHOOSING. There are no biological obstacles in my path, only human-made dogmas, human-held beliefs, human-shaped histories and human-created social and cultural norms. To choose the manner in which I employ my own biology and intellect is my right.

None of us have a pre-ordained "place." Possessing sentience, awareness, and reflexiveness of thought allows us free choice, one of our rights as a human being upon this earth. No way of life - as long as it does not harm other living things, either directly or indirectly, and as long as no rights are denied - should be ridiculed or declared wrong, incorrect or evil. I personally would even argue that a lifestyle that doesn't CONTRIBUTE to the collective flourishing of life is a poor use of a fragile, short, wondrous existence.

I also believe that one's attitude governs one's own emotional reactions, and that one is completely responsible for, as well as any actions that result from, one's attitude. The human brain is a marvelous instrument, but learning how to play it (and not be played by it) is a lifelong journey.

One's attitudes are also irrevocably tied to one's beliefs, experiences and enculturation - in other words, to one's own personality, which is a blend of biology and experience. Some personalities thrive in competitive sports. Others are better suited to software development, or parenthood, or piano accompaniment, or a military career.

To freely tell others, while invoking the name of a deity that many people love and fear and worship, that women and men have separate and distinct "places"... Is to preach the removal of the basic right of the majority of people on earth - free choice. To support the rescinding of one's humanity. The tone is loving, but the message is despicable, and dogma is a powerful motivator.

The line between lifestyle and message is diaphanous (as a lifestyle can be a message), but when elements of a lifestyle that harms finds its way into formal or common law, into societal norms - the line has been crossed. Others have been harmed.

In this case, your harmful message is falling on an ethical, logical, adult pair of eyes, and is not perpetuated. In fact, with this message, I believe that I am contributing to the collective flourishing of life. I can choose to read, or to click that little x in the corner of my browser window. Children are different, as their free wills haven't matured. Lawmaking is different because it imposes limitations collectively, threatening legal or criminal action in the case of rebellion. Dogmatic preaching is different, too, because it carries moral clout, and wields fear - the most powerful motivator of all - in order to control.

Wielders of fear are terrorists. Fear is a powerful motivator, and the mind is amazingly adaptable. I am not surprised in the least that many people hold patriarchal views.

What I hear:

If you are a woman, you were created to be THIS (a wife, a mother, a homemaker, submissive to your husband, etc.) way. If you are NOT this way, you are rebelling, and must be completely and thoroughly unhappy (no matter what you say), as you are out of your element (tsk tsk, what a shame!). We pray for your soul. If you ARE this way, rejoice! Your god has ordained it! If you are this way, and yet you are unhappy... There is a problem with your faith (tsk tsk!). Here, have some flowery, honeyed lies - you'll pull through, eventually - or you'll die! At least you'll be in heaven, right? See, if you weren't educated, if you didn't possess this learned, worldly curiosity, you'd be much more susceptible to our propaganda - it's all your parents' fault, shame on them. Ignorance is bliss, after all - we are proof of that, right? Oh, and by the way - if you happen to struggle with the lifestyle that we espouse, keep quiet in the name of god - we have a holy duty put up a unified facade to conceal our discontent from the unbelievers. Anyway, god loves you for being meek and quiet. What? You are unsuited to it and are leaving for a different church? Beware, that road leads to hell!

What a perfect storm of discrimination, terror and self-doubt.

Explain those women who are not wives, mothers or homemakers, who yet are professional, joyful, frugal, benevolent and fulfilled. I walk among them every day. Are they harboring a deep spiritual ignorance? I could argue the same of you.

My point is not that women shouldn't be homemakers, or that men shouldn't be providers. No. My point is that each of us has the right to choose our path without being goaded by fear or shunned by society.