Wisdom of Kokopelli

I had a long conversation with L, my beloved piano teacher (who needs a name - I'm leaning toward Kokopelli for various reasons). More and more, I am convinced of the deep sagacity that I perceived the moment I met her. Her brand of wisdom is rarer than ever here in the United States. I was about two millimeters from tears at a couple points. She urged me with sincerity and understanding to distance myself from the "I Shoulds" - or motivations that are founded in what I believe others will approve of.

It's so hard to break away, when everybody and everything around me is urging to me to do what They want, to subscribe to motivations They approve of, threatening ostracism, misunderstanding and obscurity if I don't.

Kokopelli is so gentle and joyful and bright - and all the more because she is these things completely for herself. Ironically, it makes her joy so much more potent and inspirational to others. I'm endlessly amazed at how life randomly rewards me with relationships that I have with such incredibly rare people - RH, Batman, Caspian, Shadowrunner, Kokopelli... Who knows who'll be next, but I am SURE you will be awesome.

I feel morally pressured to abandon myself, sacrifice myself, deny myself. It seems so wrong, when we all have such short spans of time in which to explore what the world has to offer! There's a delicate balance to strike.

After this conversation, I didn't play all the right notes... But I played all the right emotions. After I finished the nocturne with triumphant tenderness, she exclaimed, "I always KNEW you could play like that."