A Patchwork Life

Bread is kneading in the bread machine, I just had two pieces of homemade toast with blackberry jam for dinner, the laundry is getting done, the apartment is vacuumed, nonessential books have been sorted and boxed, items have been selected for donation, naps have been taken, fabric shops have been identified in Montreal, and...

I made a patchwork pillow from some of my scraps!

This is the envelope back.

The patchwork top is fused with thick batting and the cover fits a standard-size bed pillow.  I loves it.  I dreamed about making it last night for my upcoming 4-day camping trip with RH in the Blue Ridge mountains.  As soon as I woke up, I got out all of my scraps, grabbed a piece of graph paper, measured the pillow, designed the cover, pieced it and sewed it.  It took about two hours, including clean-up and various stupid mistakes.

I still need to have Caspian take some pictures of me modeling my two most recent items of handmade apparel, but he's off with his friends tonight and I have an evening to myself.

This week was characterized by various stages of buoyancy, joy and terror.  I met with Kokopelli on Thursday evening, and she is urging, urging, URGING me to apply for the music program at McGill University of Montreal.  She claims I have one big thing going against me:  Lack of repertoire; and two big things going for me:  Proof of academic excellence and an undeniable spark of performance aptitude.  She says, "Just get IN.  After that, decide what you can do with the resources available, take classes part time, anything.  But get IN, and see what happens."

As excited and motivated as I was, my feet were dragging as I tromped up the stairs to our home after that lesson.  Technically, my near-future life course was flipped upside-down and reversed.  Instead of living as a minion, working at a job that only minimally satisfies me, staying in this area, while Caspian works on establishing himself in the Land of Musicians, we are moving to a foreign nation.  Caspian will be working full-time in a non-music career that excites him, hopefully continuing the work on his voice.  I, on the other hand, will be almost unemployable until I learn passable French, making me a temporary homemaker.  It is likely that we will lose 2/3 of our combined income for the near future.  We are selling our cars.  We will have to live extremely frugally, for a time.  And now...  Music classes for me!?

So, my feet were dragging because if I were Caspian, I would feel almost betrayed if I (as Caspian) were postponing a calling to be a freelance musician for my career (which I enjoy), while my wife of three degrees and very technical work experience quits her job and goes for, GET THIS, a music degree.  I dreaded coming home and telling him about Kokopelli's urgings, but tell him I did.  And mad/betrayed he was not, for one big reason - I don't want to pursue a future career as a freelance musician.  My motivations for attending music classes are not for my career, but for my soul.  For knowledge, for quality instruction, for the competition I so crave.

Of course, our resources will be constrained.  But!  If I found a job and was accepted into music school at McGill, it is very possible that I could afford my own part-time tuition.  After all, I wouldn't know whether or not I'd been accepted until next spring, if I applied this fall, and there are ways of postponing entry.  If nothing else, just preparing for and auditioning for music school in Montreal would be an interesting experience/story to add to my collection.

The thought of moving to a foreign country, living on 1/3 the amount we're used to and not working for a time is terrifying to me.  How will I structure my days?  What will I pursue, other than job opportunities?  Where will I go, how will I get there?  What activities will I be able to afford?  Will I rot away in a cute little apartment downtown, my brain unused?

Working toward the proficiency I need to audition for music school would give me something noble and academic and personally fulfilling to strive toward.  Working diligently toward learning a new language in order to expand my career opportunities and knowledge of the world would give me purpose.  Working to live frugally, with purpose, and focusing on self-reliance would help me understand the structure of my identity.