Do not argue with me while I give you directions.

What a crisp morning. Determined was on a retreat and NOT at the gym, so I was a bit bored without anybody to chat with. The cat was INSANE this morning. I swear, any little trinket he gets his paws on becomes 500% louder when he's chasing it around my hardwood floors. This morning, he had the hard plastic cap that goes over the bolts that hold the toilet to the floor, and I thought I had already collected both of those from him! It sounded about as cringe-worthy as an air-hockey game in a library.

I was walking along (in my new warm coat!), minding my own business, and was halfway to work when I approached two dudes. Both of them were dressed to the teeth, one significantly older and in a cowboy hat, and the younger one with a tailored wool jacket, really shiny man-clogs, and a diamond earring.

The Cowboy sees me walking up and says, "Excuse me sweetie pie (as if I were his granddaughter and not some random walking person!), but where's Fayetteville?" He had a map in his hand that he was gesturing at. "If you're looking for the City of Fayetteville, you're pretty lost," I said, "but Fayetteville STREET is just past the Wachovia Building there." I pointed helpfully. Diamond snorted and said, "Dude, I TOLD you we were walking the complete WRONG direction." They bickered for a minute and Cowboy said, "When I look at this map, we're SUPPOSED to be heading WEST." I got a brief glimpse of the map. It was bad. "No," says I, "you need to head east, past the Capitol. It's right there." Cowboy flips the map over. "But we already ---" And he looked up and Diamond was already a block down the road. Diamond yelled back pointlessly, "THE SUN RISES IN THE EAST!!!" Like it was some grand epiphany or something. I wondered how much time these two spend indoors. Obviously they've been spending too much time together.