Appetizer: Introspection, with a Grain of Salt

So much of the exciting stuff happening this week has been at work, hence the lack of blog posts - Rule #1: Rarely, if ever, blog about work, except in the most diaphanous way. 200 AWU (Awesome Word Usage) points to me!

However, there have been other goings-on in lifelife (vs. worklife) that I'm leery of mentioning, so you'll just have to spin in your little swivel chairs, dying of curiosity. I did meet Natty (and eventually Pepper) halfway between my home and theirs (we live about 3.5 hours apart) for dinner, dessert, and general silliness. I'm still debating whether or not I should go up and stay with them this weekend, since I have to drive 3 hours to get to the place I'm supposed to teach on Monday morning. That's almost too much driving, and it seems like all I've done for the past month is drive somewhere.

I had a discussion with a friend last night about motivation that got me thinking about myself and what drives me. I'm not the type of person who can sit around and do nothing; don't get me wrong, I like quality R & R as much as the next person... But only in moderation. There are times when I'm so bone-weary, tired of social interaction, and frustrated with humanity that I so desperately want to be alone. I want to be overwhelmed, threatened even, by things that are completely beyond my influence, be at the mercy of something that has no human motivation. I can see that I'm getting a little bit tangential, but it's obviously pertinent, since I got here... Anyways. So, if I had all the resources I'd need to live out my entire life handed to me on a silver platter, what would I do? I live now to support myself, and have fun on the side. But what if I no longer needed to worry about supporting myself?

I'd go back to school, for forever. Learning is what primarily drives my existence. Music is up there with learning, as is nature, and adventure. And love, but that's all mixed up with the other things.

I think I'm too selfish.

On a side note: In a far corner of my brain, I'm furious. And hurt. This is NOT a masquerade, and I am not a doll. Don't ask, just read.