Adventures, Musings

Theme Song: Klute - Ether

So I had my ass handed to me with a bow last night at kung fu. 2.25 hours of ass-kickage - and I got to administer none of it.

It was awesome.

My piriformis feels great, which is true, and sounds oddly dirty. I may even be able to commence running this very evening, but that might be rushing things. I'm not exactly in the most well-rested, healed state.

My thoughts:

I learned some interesting things during those 2.25 hours, in addition to the basic techniques, positions, and moves that I covered with Sifu Mike and Sifu Jamie. I went to practice already torn up from previous workouts, and I was forced to endure medium-intense physical discomfort for long periods of time... I found a bizarre comfort and enjoyment in it - my self-destructive streak?

I thought I was in shape. I am, but in an endurance sense, which is quite different from the quick (and not-so-quick!) bursts of intense activity required for fighting drills. I had to berate myself for an inclination to make excuses for my instability and lack of grace. If I was foolish enough to attempt such a hardcore workout after already being torn up from weight lifting, I should suffer the consequences in silence and let others think of me what they will! I had obviously misjudged both myself and the expectations of my instructors. I was humbled.

My femininity was also starkly apparent to me. I was almost completely unable to do a few of the things I was instructed to do, simply because I don't have the mass to move objects and people like the guys do. That too was humbling and awkward (in terms of a physical lack of grace, rather than a mental feeling of awkwardness), and I was ashamed of feeling humility for those reasons.

Also, I find part of myself shying away from the thought of close physical contact and intense "public" scrutiny that will be expected of me, while another part rushes towards it in defiance.

I found myself, for the first time in a long while, exercising my mental "focus" muscle. The state of its atrophy was alarming, but physical focus through a haze of exhaustion is a different kind of focus than the sleep deprived, cerebral-academic kind.

This is something that I will have to steel myself to do - but isn't that something I need to do? Condition myself, mentally and physically, confront things that humble and frighten me? I think so.