Playing the last 10 measures of that Poulenc... By the time the 4th to the last rolls around, I have tears in my eyes. The song is like a placid conversation between two old people who have known each other for a long time. It resonates with context and history, but it's deep without being dolorous. It's comfortable with itself, steady, surprisingly complex, and it goes places you wouldn't expect. It's a sad song.
I've discovered a couple of things tonight. First, there's a selfish, completely exclusive zone I enter when I play a memorized piece. Selfish! As soon as I realized how self-absorbed I was being as I played, I remembered something S told me when I asked him about what it takes to be a performer. He says it's all about being selfish, about being the best you can be, as you define it. Your success comes from how your audience judges your definition of "best," but that's not your concern. You do your best, for yourself.
I am too concerned about the judgment of my audience, which ruins my delivery. I have two months to figure out how to enter this zone voluntarily before the performance on June 20th. I'm already apprehensive about it! All I can think about is how much S's part relies upon my steady pace. I have to learn how to keep going after a mistake without skipping a beat or returning to the beginning of the phrase; I'm so used to solo piano work that I've never once taken this into consideration!
I can't start over. I can't rephrase. I can't stop.
1 year ago
1 comment:
"I have to learn how to keep going after a mistake without skipping a beat or returning to the beginning of the phrase;"
My junior year of college I worked as a vocal accompanist. That was by far the hardest thing I had to learn. But, if you can get it, it will open up a lot of things and make your sight reading much better. Good luck!
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