Be Not Half-Assed

After several weeks of stagnation in the piano department, I had a really excellent lesson last night. I hadn't sat at a piano for a good three weeks solid and was morose as I drove to L's house last night. For the first time in a couple months it wasn't raining like the dickens on my piano lesson night; instead, it was about 20 degrees and very clear.

I've been stuck for what seems like forever on the same four pieces:

- Debussy's Clair de Lune
- Tcherepnin's Bagatelle #3
- A Richard Faith prelude
- Chopin's Op. 55 No. 1

These beautiful pieces are like delightful Lucky Charms left sitting in milk for too long; still bright, but soggy and tired and unappealing. I've pored over their unlearned portions so many times that I should by all rights be able to play them. I should have just gone and learned them all while I was still passionate about them. The 3rd page of the Chopin is accidental death, if you get my drift.

L is so special and funny and inspiring. I told her that I was tired of being half-assed. For the first time since I've been taking lessons from her, she sat me down and commanded me to sight read the Chopin, and then a brand new Tcherepnin piece, and play them over and over again. It was so nice to have to focus hard enough to be forced to abandon my pride. I played true and wrong notes with equal full-assage. No more of trying to fake knowing a half-learned piece.

I tend to get caught up in the details of dynamics and expression before I've even learned the notes, and have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that it's unfair to expect myself to be able to play a piece perfectly the first time. Probably analagous to my life or something.

Caspian and I went out on Monday and spent about $100 on a huge cart of groceries. We're usually terrible grocery shoppers and sometimes end up going to the store once every couple of days to pick up one or two items on each trip. So, we got a whole pile of groceries and made a simple dinner of bread with butter, chicken soup and edamame. Working together to prepare our food, and sitting at our tiny table to eat together is a simple pleasure. Our schedules are often so hectic that we don't see each other for mealtimes and have to scrounge separately for our food. Little flashes of domesticism are very soothing to me because they are rare, and will likely become even rarer. Most weeknights for the next three months, I probably won't see him unless I wake up in the wee hours of the morning and find him asleep beside me.

Last night, Caspian was offered the lead tenor role in The Mikado. He was personally invited to sing in the North Carolina Master Chorale Chamber Choir's Valentine's Day performance, he has a musical theater audition on Saturday and another personal invitation to audition with the North Carolina Symphony on Sunday. ::sigh:: I really shouldn't compare myself with him. It's depressing.