My Dreams Can Beat Up Your Honor Student

I broke a hand-painted, turd-shaped, cursed ocarina from Peru and incurred the wrath of an ancient spirit that, while shapeless in its true form, could inhabit any object and be imbued by the characteristics thereof. I would have been much safer if this were the spirit's only power, but unfortunately it could also throw books at itself and become any single character within. After pelting it with shoes and other nearby objects, I realized that if I threw something hard enough at it, it would be forcefully knocked into that object for several seconds.

After it managed to inhabit my car and crash it into a convenience store, it became a formless white cloud. I snatched handfuls of gum packs, Pringles cans and lighters and tried to lob with enough force, but unsuccessfully. A mad car chase ensued and terminated at, joy of joys, Barnes & Noble. Yay!

I ran pell-mell among the aisles, pursued in turn by a ninja, a young woman with a parasol in sprigged calico, a police officer and an obese man. I headed towards tamer sections, hoping that the books within would contain less dangerous beings, and used them as ammo. Confused as it was pelted rapid-fire with potty training books, it hesitated in toilet form. I grabbed a wind-up toy that had been discarded on the floor and threw with all my might.

The toilet vanished, and I knew that the ancient vengeful spirit had unwillingly taken up residence in the toy. Joyfully I leapt upon it, crushing it into white-edged splinters of plastic and bits of metal. I had vanquished my foe! And then my shoe clamped down on my foot like some bizarre gape-mouthed flounder...