The Sneaky Rebel

I've been reading a lot of blogs and articles about simplification and self-reliance (and unavoidably, homemaking) recently... And I am overwhelmed by their COMPLEXITY. Completely bowled-over, even discouraged. I feel like my life IS simple compared to the lives that so many of these writers and homemakers lead. I'm not really a list-maker. I don't obsess over calendars. I simultaneously require and despise routine. I've flip-flopped back into my usual "meh, children" mindset after my brief (hormonal?) foray into daughter dreamland. I'm a sneaky rebel.

Rebellion while infiltrating and living among the enemy is my life's work and most favoritest source of entertainment.

I read and read and read and feel like there are so many things I need to do in order to be an effective homemaker - but I'm not a homemaker. I can't be, and I truly don't want to be. I'm too much of an I/ENFP - a values crusader, if you will. Even though my current position doesn't exactly nurture the flexibility I crave and the freedom to employ my imagination without limits (my superiors humor me, though) doesn't mean I will never find a career that inspires me, or that I wasn't meant to be a careerperson. My mind was meant to be applied to the workings of the world and the lives of other people. That's not pretentious; it's true. I'm a late-bloomer and have spent portions of my life as an academe, a lazy bum, an emo teenager, a workaholic, a self-despiser and my own analyst. I spend portions of my day wearing all of these hats.

However, one must derive comfort from one's inner landscape even if one's gaze looks outward, and for me, that landscape reflects my environment. There just isn't time to do so many of the things I want to do. Slowing down really isn't an option. I must pay for convenience to have time to chill. I need to embrace that and square up to the fact that, despite desiring simplicity and roots and breathing room:

I am ambitious and competitive when it comes to my passions.

I voluntarily chose a dynamic education and a high-strung, talented mate - and thus a lifestyle that will likely be dynamic and high-strung - and there's nothing wrong with that! Am I imagining the accusation that I'm feeling from this particular blogging sphere?

While homemaking is attractive and novel, it is just not my thing. I will always immerse myself somewhat into it because it is enjoyable and rare and valuable, but I cannot and will not devote all of my energy to it.

I read somewhere that an effective blogger doesn't write about herself all of the time, and instead gives to her readers. No wonder I don't have many of those. ;)

RH, I LOVE YOU. Miss you. You are my hero.