The camera pans out...

Why don't I sleep? I just can't sleep. In the past when I've had insomnia (and recounting it makes me slightly uncomfortable yet), it was usually accompanied by feelings of panic and thick, vague oppression - I think it had something to do with the places I was living. When Natty and I were living together, waking up in the wee hours of the morning was intensely unbearable, especially if she wasn't there, sleeping just two doors down. There must have been some unhappy souls living nearby. I was also creeped out by the fact that there were only windows on one side of the apartment. I felt so contained.

Now, I fall asleep with ease but awaken almost exactly 90 minutes (one full sleep cycle) later, energized and ready for... Something. I get up and the world is so alive - it's still and quiet inside, but I just have this feeling of relentless, purposeful and benevolent movement outside. It happens every time. It must be because I'm living on the top floor, with huge trees all around, and yet I'm right downtown. I feel so much less trapped. The shadows of the leaves are parting and coalescing across the curtains in a million moonbeam fragments and it means something. People are awake around me, actively thinking and pursuing and doing, even though it's 3:07 AM. Ahhh! Look what happens when I get 2 hours of sleep! I write this crap!

Odd.

But I must be okay. I've never worked out so hard in my life!