A Gilded Tuesday

Theme Song:  Pat Metheny - Slip Away

I contemplated writing a melancholy post last night when I couldn't sleep from 2:30 - 3 AM, but I was groggy to the point where it took all of my intellect to scatter the kitties from their nests in the crooks of my elbow and knee, stand up and inch the thermostat up a couple degrees, and then dive back into the warm snowy depths of my down comforter.  I had strange and haunting dreams.

Another good reason for not writing that post is the frank fact that there is nothing melancholy about me today.  I have been thoroughly happy all day in ways ranging from content to fervent.

When I woke up naturally at about 7:15 this morning - it was all mellow and crisp.  I love living in this apartment.  In its years of existence and across its memory, it has never experienced or contained or seen anything with which my psyche finds any fault, I'm sure of it.  Deciding to live here was one of those fantastic impulsive decisions that I'm known for.

My last apartment, where Natty and I lived together for about a year, was different.  I cognitively liked it - it had new carpet, it wasn't a bad or an ugly place to live...  But there was something about it that set my teeth on edge, that sent a sort of rill of unease through my brainwaves sometimes, especially when I was alone there.  On nights that Natty was gone, it would bear down on me.  I think something bad happened there, or nearby, or perhaps that there was a very unhappy person living in one of the neighboring apartments.  One time I awoke with a horrible, stifling, baleful feeling and was on the verge of one of the two panic attacks I've ever had in my life (the first was at age 18, during a period of random insomnia).  I very rarely get anxious and I work well under pressure; panic is very uncharacteristic.  There was no rhyme or reason to this feeling.  When I could assemble enough courage to leave my bed, I escaped to the car and sat in it for the rest of the night, and returned to the apartment just as the sky was lightening.

I haven't felt anything like that since.  Not at any time, nor at any place, which leads me to believe that it was not all in my head.

What a bizarre thing to reminisce about on such a gorgeous, chilly, exquisite autumn day that I HAD OFF WORK.  All I have done today is lounge in my armchair with a book, shop for groceries, sip coffee and distract people who are at work.  :D