Wha-BAM!

EDIT 2: Don't take my irritability rants too seriously. ;)

EDIT: I removed this post after writing it, since I wrote it in a fit of irritability... But now it is restored as a record of my fit of irritability!

Hrmf. For my entire tenure in my current job, various colleagues have always enjoyed (good-naturedly) harping on my life choices. Traditional attitudes abound.

Since I got married, Certain Individuals have increased their fun-poking. These folks claim that now that I'm stuck with him, Caspian will magically transform into an obese, beer-guzzling, couch-dwelling creature, and that I'll become the downtrodden Chief Ironer and Pan Scrubber. I endure these comments with a laugh (and some of them are admittedly hilarious), but they've become as old and tired as the overworked middle-agers that make them.

One particularly nosy co-worker, Peridot, asked for wedding specifics the other day and now believes me to be shamefully backward for several reasons.

First and most importantly, I never dreamed/thought/cared/wondered about getting married with any seriousness until about 1.5 years ago and didn't spend my girlhood walking my Barbies down the aisle. I wear my wedding band above my engagement ring (I only learned this was "wrong" a couple weeks ago). I didn't change my name. My father didn't walk me down the aisle or "give me away." I didn't wear a veil. The wedding was silent. There was no dancing, no bouquet toss, no garter, etc. I am obviously an uptight, fun-hating, prudish Margie. I saw Caspian on the day of the wedding. And, perhaps the most grave offense, I don't want babies. Children. Progeny. Offspring. Do not want. I could tack a "yet" onto the end of the sentence and still be truthful, since I can't see the future and there is a possibility that I may change my mind.

I soon learned that there's no point attempting to explain my rationale to Peridot. She is set in her ways.

1) Never dreamed about getting married until age 26: I... Just didn't? I wasn't raised in an environment that either encouraged or discouraged marriage as a future life choice; my parents focused on nurturing my success, self-sufficiency and happiness. So, being the person that I am, I never really thought about the presence of marriage in my future. Simple!

2) Wear wedding band above engagement ring: It looks nicer? That's where Caspian put it? Does it really need to be "closer to my heart?"

3) Didn't change name: This was a little bit more thoughtful. Why should I give up my family's name for my husband's family's name, or be expected to tack it on at the end? Why would I, in a sense, divorce myself from my family in order to marry a man? I wouldn't! Bam. Makes perfect sense.

4) Father didn't give me away: See item 3. I am a grown woman and completely capable of fending for myself in the world. I was not leaving the protection of my father's household for the protection of my husband's household. Posturing like I was doing so would be a mockery of my values and my true lifestyle. I find the connotation slightly offensive, as sweet as the gesture sounds.

5) No veil: Same thing. I really, truly do not agree with the concept of the veil. To hide, to obscure, to conceal. To be a mystery. To be separated from the world. Most western brides wear little vestiges of the veil as fashion statements and they are indeed pretty, but I'm just not a fan of the connotation.

6) No music: Pianist was ill. But, as it turns out, I was very pleased by the silence. As I waited to enter the room, all I could hear were the footsteps of my closest friends and family, echoing through the dusky, sparkling space. It was solemn and beautiful.

7) No dancing, no bouquet toss, no garter thingy, etc.: Well, the main reason for this was the lack of space in our chosen reception venue, which was a French brasserie. The second reason is because I think it's all a bit silly. A specifically garter-related reason: Because I was wearing very tight silk with no poof at all, a garter would make a scruffly ridge in my dress line. We can't have that!

8) Bride saw groom on wedding day before ceremony: The rehearsal had to be in the morning, since we only had the space for 24 hours, and it's best that both parties be present. ;) I am not superstitious, and I will love him just as much when I see him as I would if I hadn't seen him for a few extra hours.

9) No babies: Hmm. We didn't get married to have children. If we decide to have them in the future, so be it and more power to our future selves, but it was not our motivation. I think it's a fairly simple truth. We just don't want children right now and can imagine ourselves to be just as satisfied in our future with or without children. I have to admit that I [currently] don't want anybody (including our potential children) interfering with our dynamic, now or ever.

It shouldn't matter, but American parenthood seems very canned to me. Even the backlash against modern American parenthood has a tiresome, faddish feel. Fundamentalism is evil and vile. I'm just not interested in motherhood at the moment! Hopefully, if a time comes when we desire a child, we'll be wise enough to focus on shaping our own experience.

Oh, and what's with the cloud of cultural superstition surrounding marriage, anyway?