To Spawn or Not to Spawn

When we went out for dinner on Friday night, Natty and I had an "argument" about having children.

If you've been reading here regularly, you'll know that I've been completely apathetic about having children for my entire life... Until the past 6 months. I attribute it to being 28 years old, the recent permanent acquisition of a desirable mate who would produce intelligent and beautiful stock, and the thrall of the "create baby now" 28-year-old-woman hormonal drive. However, I shall resist it till my mid-thirties, if I don't resist it indefinitely. I've got some degrees to get, dance comps to win and an opera singer to help through Yale's opera program.

While I've experienced long-term procreation apathy, Natty has been anti-procreation. She hasn't really discussed it with me, but when I mentioned my desire to have a child at some point during my lifetime, she was very direct. She said something to the effect of, "Everybody screws up their children. The world sucks."

I'm torn. Related thoughts roiling in my brain:

• Your job will never love you back, but your family will.
• The love you have for your vocation sustains you, brings you joy and purpose, which you then manifest in the universe.
• The children one has will not necessarily love their parents.
• The world is screwed up, overpopulated and cruel.
• It is a joy to be alive.
• I want to combine myself with the person I love and admire, and witness the evolution of the work of art we create together.
• I don't want to the devoted, passionate, romantic love I have right now to be interrupted.
• I'm too selfish and despise the thought of being tied down.
• I hate vomit.
• The responsibility is too vast for me to comprehend.
• I matter too.
• I have issues that would likely be expressed in my spawn, thus driving all involved insane.
• My personal growth, development and spirituality are not linked inextricably with procreation and I can truly find peace and enlightenment without it, despite the urgings of society.
• Parenthood is an Essential Experience.
• I don't want to die alone.
• What kind of a person would he/she become?
• I have no patience with teenagers. Sorry.
• I would eventually have to resign myself to loving unconditionally, and receiving hate for my trouble. I too was an idiotic teenager. Sorry mom.
• My own mother is very reluctant to encourage motherhood of her daughters. She is an astute, patient, wonderful individual and supportive parent, and if SHE'S leery...
• I want to give life to somebody.
• I don't want to burden somebody with the "gift" of life.
• As a member of a consumerist, wasteful and thoughtless society, it would be irresponsible for me to bring another one of my kind into the world.
• I don't want to be responsible for dooming another to pointless drudgery, toil and eventual death.
• Our joy and suffering enlighten us.
• Society needs help. Perhaps my child will perpetuate what I begin.
• Perhaps not.
• Perhaps my child would be as curious as I am. Or more so. Or a genius.
• Or a schizophrenic.
• To heck with it all!  Let's do it our way.

Etc.